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Weird Dreams

I woke up this morning with a turning tummy and a turning head. The turning tummy was from the oil from dinner mixing with the maltitol from that piece of sugar free chocolate I had last night. Hopefully, I can have some productive, personal time with the porcelain this morning (I know; too much information).  The turning head was from the bizarre dream I had last night. Being on the HCG sometimes mimics what I would experience if pregnant and that's one of the side effects; weird dreams. I'm sure the oil and the artificial sweetener helped things along as well.

The dream was about my family, well, my families. I was talking to my dad (and least, I think it was my dad) and he was showing me my family here as well as my family in an alternate universe (ever see The One?) I haven't seen it recently, so I don't think the thoughts came from there. Regardless, my dad was showing me my other family and telling me about how much I loved and cared for both. My alternate family had me with a computer programmer husband; blond, tall and very reserved. My children, biracial, looked a lot like him but I saw bits of me. It's unusal for me to see facial features in a dream. Most times, I'm aware of who people are and know they are who they are, without really seeing the details. I think it's that I feel their spirits, rather than identify their faces. This time, I saw my alternate children in great detail.

The last time this happened, I dreamed I was at a sorority event. We were all wearing white dresses or white suits which, to me, suggested a formal function. There was a buffet table and I was making my way around grabbing things for my plate. I remember feeling really good, like I was happy with my outfit, my size and how I looked overall. I felt I was impressive and had taken my sorors by surprise. As I continued to make my way around the table, the little titter of a toddler caught my attention. The next thing I knew, I was grabbing after this child. I fussed at him a bit when he tried to get away from me, but then he was okay and began to eat some of the items on the plate I had. I saw his face very, very clearly. I also remember his very large, blond fro and freckles; my biracial grandson.

Not sure why he was with me, if he was visiting or if something had happened to his family, I was very invested in his welfare, even for just this formal event. Perhaps it was just me being a good grandmother. Who knows! Weirdness all around.

Finally, with last night's dream, my dad told me that my husband (the alternate one) dies at 40 and I was so saddened by this. I thought about those two girls growing up without their dad and me being a single mother trying to raise them. I was aching and praying for the alternate me, hoping she would be strong enough to handle it all.

There were other aspects of the dream, like being familiar with my alternate husband's crazy family and trying to work through that drama after his death. Nuts, right?

I thought I'd get this all down before I forgot it. Interestingly, I don't think I'll forget the girls faces...just like I haven't forgotten my grandson's.
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Primary Numbers (7.17.13)

I didn't know how to title this post but I'm a huge fan of primary numbers and I thought, "Why not?" Primary numbers are unique;  they are natural numbers that have no positive dividers other than one and itself.  I kind of think of them as the Me, Myself and I numbers.  Good things tend to happen to me on days when all the numbers are prime. Not at all sure why, but I've taken note of it over the years. Even my birthday has all prime numbers!

Today is the first day of my very low calorie stint on my new round. It's been going okay so far, but I made an observation. The hormone must really be doing its work already. I binged like crazy and decided to step on the scale before bed. From Monday morning to last night, I had put on six pounds. I was sure I'd see that same weight this morning or higher but, lo and behold...it was only (only?) 202 pounds. I lost two pounds over night?! That's crazy! The last thing I had was my super fattening, Dairy Queen blizzard. Surely that would have appeared again today, right? I suppose it's the shock of it all. I've done this five other times and yet I still get blown away by how quickly it works. I have lots of hope for this round (the fifth round was such a wash). Sub-lingual just wasn't for me.

On other fronts, the girls have been enjoying their summer, despite the lack of camps this year. Last year, I had them doing so much because I just didn't want them sitting around bored at home. Our new complex has a pool and I know that's kept them pretty happy. They've also had lots of friends over to enjoy the pool with them.

In prepping for the eldest's birthday, she would like to include swimming again. I don't know how many parties will result after this one but we're happy to try to greet her teen years in a big way. She's talking about inviting the entire cheer team along with some of her close friends (but no worries; living in Utah, I know that only 10% of those invited will actually show, so we won't be out of a ton of money).

My pictures from our vacation are all downloaded and I really need to get on with reviewing the trip. I've enjoyed doing this over the years and have thought, "How cool would it be to have that as a job some day?" Samantha Brown is sort of my inspiration except, I'd have my family with me. Right now, I review on a travel site that my hubby and I swear-by. If the folks on their are grumpy about a place, then we just don't go. It's been a life-saver. The actual sites of some of these places will boast all sorts of great amenities, things to do and places to eat. Then, you get there and it's a slum dive in the middle of the hood with a McDonald's across the street. No. Our site has real people reviewing their real travel experiences. I appreciate what they share and decided to start sharing myself. So far, I've had such wonderful feedback and I'm happy to know that my comments are making a difference. We spend so much time planning and saving for trips, they should at least be fun and worthwhile.

I should probably get back to work but if you're interested, you can find me on Trip Advisor.





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Working Out and Vacation Dreaming

Recovery time is just about over. I experience a little bit of back soreness every now and again but, other than that, I'm feeling great! To think; no more periods. It's been so wonderful! I gave all of my sanitary napkins to my daughter. Now, she'll be the only one I purchase those for (until the youngest one comes of age).

I started back at the gym last week and boy has it been tough. I didn't go every day, but the goal is to try and fit in at least three workouts per week. I'm also trying to include outdoor activities with the kids. We found a beautiful, three mile (paved) trail to walk. There's a bit of wildlife and also a reservoir. I told my youngest that we would try to tackle it at least once per week. The poor thing was quite out of breath (we only walked a little over one mile). I let her know that, being the youngest, she should have showed us up. We'll get there together.  She's eager to be a healthier kid.

Vacation time is coming. Hubby has me on a plan until then, but we sort of fell off the wagon by having a very tasty, Pomegranate martini last night. Delish! I had a monster headache and he fed me humus and chips. It was very sweet. He indicated that my body was looking for salt and fat. So be it, I'm just glad it worked. What I'm eating isn't very exciting, but I can honestly say that I get tired of food quickly.

The vacation is just a few hours drive away and I'm eager to spend some quality time with my MIA hubby. We've booked several days at the Worldmark resort in Nevada, then an additional night at the Hilton Grand. The girls haven't done Vegas in a touristy way since they were very little. I'm confident that we'll all have a blast and the memories will stick this time.

I've been tossing around the idea of going on my "diet" again. With a new job and more stable circumstances, I really feel that I could maintain (like I did the first go around). If I do, I'll document on the other page, but definitely keep life and health information posted here. It's something I'll do after vacation, if the decision is made.  This time, I'll be sure to get in lots of swim time. I'm going to keep that muscle mass up if it kills me! Speaking of which, my girls start their swim lessons this Saturday. Indy wants to swim rather than dance, so we'll just keep going until she doesn't want to anymore (I'd love to have a life/rescue swimmer before it's all said and done).

Finally, my family has been visiting a new church. One Sunday, the youth coordinator asked my daughter and I if we would help with the Kid's Church ministry. Although I'm not going to be teaching, we will be spending an hour on Sundays with the babies. Z is so psyched and I'm hoping it will help with future babysitting details. She's eager to start making money for herself. I felt this was a positive way to move her into that direction. Fingers crossed!
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Prayers and Post-Op

Everything went very well and I am on the mend. It turns out my uterus was 200 grams (the normal size is 80), so I am glad to be rid of it. I'm still recuperating and can't really tell if things are superb or not yet. I do have to say that I'm very glad that I will never have to buy feminine "garments" for myself ever again.

The follow-up visit with the doctor was last Wednesday and he stated that I was "cured". I liked that. It made everything seem on the up and up for me. Hubby is a bit frustrated because we still have to wait for intimacy (well, intimacy in the way we really want it). I've noticed even more gym trips than normal which is a lot. He already goes so much for himself and for clients.

Prayer is wonderful and I know that I'm in a better state because of it. I've also had some additional stress appear; buying another car. It's not part of the top twenty life stress's, but I'm guessing it falls in at least the top fifty. I was pre-approved for my car loan and the deadline is May 11th. Hubby and I sort of looked, then didn't. When May 1st appeared, we suddenly remembered our deadline and began hustling all around town. Last Monday, we drove 60 miles south to look and test drive cars, then we drove 120 miles north from that spot. Yikes! I was totally wiped out. Still recuperating and driving like that (in crazy, evening rush hour) was too much. I took a nap and didn't wake up till the next morning.

I told him that everything would fall into place and he agreed. We even toyed with getting pre-approved again for an additional month, if need be. All week, we've been emailing each other car ads and different numbers to call about vehicles. The choices: Honda Pilot, Honda Odyssey, Lexus RX 300, Toyota Highlander, or Toyota Sienna. These were all rated well with consumer auto guide and carried the same equivalent gas mileage. Initially, I was leery about mini-vans and besides that, I only have two children. I test drove one (a red Toyota Sienna) and really liked it. My girls were thrilled (my eldest, especially). She really liked having the separation from her sister with the third row.  For me, I wanted to be sure I was getting a good deal and keeping some of the perks from my old car.

Yesterday, I checked one of the web sites on a whim and found a Lexus RX 300 for 9k. It's a 1999 model (my current car is a 2007 and has more miles than this vehicle...that and mine is a Chrysler, not a Lexus). Anyway, appeared show-room quality on the web. I called hubby to get his opinion and he hurriedly asked me to call them and set up a test drive. I made the appointment and drove the 30 miles south to check it out. Wow! What a place! It was a Lexus dealership and in all my years of looking at cars and visiting dealerships, I've never experienced anything quite like theirs.

1999 Lexus RX 300Luxury car? You bet! The lobby boasted 40-50K models throughout the show-room, elegant furniture, lighting, huge flat-screen TVs and a waiting room to die for (fresh baked cookies, anyone?). Wasn't I just coming to look at a used car? Didn't matter. Lexus, apparently, has standards no matter how old the car. Hubby met me there after work, then we all hoped in for a drive. It was a dream! I can't believe how great of condition and it's a car from the previous millennium. Amazing! Three hours later, I was signing the documents. I'll pick it up tomorrow and boy and I excited. I have a trip scheduled with my eldest for her final competition. It happens to be 326 miles south of here. The car is rented, but hubby has suggested that I cancel the rental and take my new/used car...really see how it performs. I suppose I will. I'm all for saving a bit of money.

Before we went to the lot, I prayed about the process. I asked for help in determining if it would be right for me. I also asked for guidance in knowing when to walk away. I thought I would be doing all the negotiating by myself, but then hubby called and said he would meet me at the lot to offer help. First good sign. When hubby arrived and stepped out of the car, our salesperson recognized him. Turns out she was an employee of the gym where he works out. This was exactly what I needed. She ended up working out a little discount for us (about $200 off) and gave me pointers on how to deal with the finance people. Thank you God for taking care of us.

So, that stress is done and I'll only have the small burden of selling my current car to deal with. My hope is to find a college kid or someone who doesn't do a great deal of driving to purchase. It's still in good shape, but needs a tender hand (now that she's older). I'm psyched about styling out my new car. I won't have my personalized plates for a couple of weeks, but I can certainly get a new decal for the back. The girls love the room and promise to keep it clean (we'll see).

Next Monday is when I'll begin gym trips again. I'll take it slow, monitoring my eating and making sure I get good nutrition. The wheat grass/spirulina power drinks are great and I notice when I don't have one. I'm also eager to see what my body will do, now that I'm free of the fibroids. Here's to being cured!
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The Infamous Tickle

I didn't work out one single day last week. Due to numerous errands, I wasn't able to work out this week. My goal was to get in a workout today (brought my gym bag and everything). The tickle has appeared; the one that signals the start of a cold. We went swimming last night at the wave pool. Because I drank a ton of water, I was in and out going to the restroom. I'm kind of hoping that I only caught a chill and nothing more.

Hubby's response is to go to the gym and try to burn it out. When I do that, it only makes things worse (I have a lot of bronchial issues). So, the gym is out today. I'll go home and try to nurse myself back so that I don't have to cancel surger next week. As we all know, you can't go under the knife if you're sick.

Look what I found on the LiveStrong site:

Fibroid Weight Gain

Although uterine fibroids can be painless and cause no symptoms, discomfort is also common. Uterine fibroids can cause weight gain, especially in the abdomen. Large fibroids may cause enough abdominal swelling to be mistaken for pregnancy. Other symptoms associated with uterine fibroids include heavy and prolonged menstrual bleeding, pelvic pressure or pain, frequent urination and constipation.


Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/356771-can-you-lose-weight-if-you-have-fibroids/#ixzz2QAq0K0Cm
 
Just more confirmation that these things are hindering me in all kinds of ways. I'm planning to eat really well during recovery time and have decided to supplement myself with the spirulina and wheat grass sooner rather than later. If I can make my body heal faster with the super foods, I can get back to the fitness regime that much sooner.
 
The eldest has a dance competition this weekend. I will be hella glad when all this is over. Her last year and it just can't be over soon enough. She'll be participating in cheer clinics and camps this summer. Don't really mind doing the transporting for that. Any farther from home (for games and such) and it's the school's responsibility. Sweet!
 
The youngest is even more psyched about swim lessons. I better start looking to get her started before the classes fill up or I'll have one angry seven year old on my hands. Happy Thursday!
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Bringing About my Inner Calm and Learning to Visualize

The last few months have been very rough for me holistically. I quit my job in July 2012 and hurriedly began trying to work on me. I spent several weeks building up my video work out collection and attacked the workouts with great fervor. For all my efforts, however, I loss very little weight. The body just wasn't responding the way it should have. My doctor said that I was probably gaining muscle which I believe him in this, partially. Now that I've spent some time researching, I think my issues arose for much deeper reasons:

1. Mentally, my anxiety and worry over not finding a job was increasing my cortisol levels.
2. Physically, my fibroids were hindering me from making the most of my self-improvement techniques.

Consequently, each issue was serving the other in the most negative ways possible; I worried about my body, thus feeding my stress and (I believe), my stress was creating more fibroids. When I figured this out, I new I'd had my, "A-ha!" moment.

As I stated earlier, I've been doing some research and study into the body and mind and how to become a healthier person. One of my paths of study led me to Jon Gabriel. You may have caught him in the following documentary:


The information presented here is really worthwhile and I highly recommend it to everyone. Jon's story stood out for me and I delved further into his background. I've since read his book, The Gabriel Method and am working my way through his audio programs.  The topics that resonated the most with me were the topics on emotional eating as well as the visualization and mind techniques.

With my last big diet, I became a tiny person and I loved the way I looked...for the most part. Some of my muscle tone had disappeared and my figure had lost a lot of curves (I love my curves). Like any diet, the hard part is maintaining and I actually did a pretty good job for a while, but when you don't spent enough time dealing with all the issues, the physical ones can come back with a vengance. I eat when I'm happy and or when I'm stressed. My job brought on crazy stress towards the end, which drove me right back to the refrigerator. Not only did I put the weight back on, but now, I couldn't get it off.

My goal for the next few weeks is to work through the emotional issues that drive me to eat. Thankfully, my stress levels aren't as bad as they once were. I'm a bit worried about my body and the upcoming surgery, but it's not the high level, nail-biting, hair-pulling stress I experienced before. I am learning a lot and am reflecting on what was done in the past. Again, I liked my size and hope to achieve it again by a different means: healthy eating and activity. It's really the only way.

 Diets are done! I'm not doing them anymore because they don't work. They are a vicious cycle and I'm tired of playing the game. My body has been trying to tell me for years that it's not happy with what I'm putting into it. True enough, I know how to eat and I live with some one who eats well most every day of his life. The mental - I rebel against what I feel others are trying to force upon me. Granted, he never has said that I have to eat like him, but my warped perception is what drives me to the chips, cookies, and cake. I need to learn that it's okay to have these things sometimes -- in moderation. I also need to integrate all the wonderful vegetables around back into my eating, not only for myself, but for my children as well. My youngest is a bit on the plump side and I can make positive changes for the both of us.

With the nerves of the surgery there is also a bit of excitement. I'm excited to see what my body will do when the foreign clusters are gone. One of the ideas promoted in the film as well as in Mr. Gabriel's book is that our bodies use fat to protect us. I think that's inspired. I also think it can be a physical manifestation of the stress we endure both internally and externally. If that theory is true, I should see amazing effects when my body is clear. It's up to me to keep a sound mind so that a new, variety of manifestations do not appear. That is why I've also taken to beginning the process of cleansing (planning to do a thorough one just a few days before the surgery) by taking probiotics.When I have the money, I'll begin supplementing with  wheat grass and spirulina. Green juice, anyone?




Providing nutrients and helpful/friendly bacteria is just the start. I have to make my body believe and know that it's time to let go of the extra padding. It's no longer needed and it's okay to be healthy. Minus my head, here is a picture of what I visualize for the near future:

 

The top is a small and the shorts are a six. I felt good at a six/eight and am eager to see that size again...on my terms. There will be none of this denial and starving crap again. I will succeed with a healthy approach and make it a lifestyle change. The yo-yo is going onto a pillar of fire, along with my size 14, grey sweat pants (ha ha ha!). This time, I'll be able to eat well, with occasional treats, and exercise so that I have definition (something I'm lacking a bit in the above picture). I remember the day when I started to see my triceps, a few years back. I was on another diet (ugh! diets!) and had included a weight training regime. The muscle definition is beautiful and I'm after that look all over.

This will be my creation with the help of some wonderful research and added insight from professionals. My body is like no one else's. I will use trial and error to find out what will bring me the best health possible. I will practice patience with this, as Rome was not built in one day. I will visualize what I want daily and strive to achieve all my goals with positivity. Here is a passage from one of my favorite books in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 3:16-17
Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.



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Robbing Peter to Pay Paul

This is something I would never advise anyone to do and, up until a short while ago, I would never have done myself. With our finances being much more limited than before, I find myself doing this whole borrowing from one area to pay for another. Thankfully, only one credit card is involved, but I don't like where the process could lead.

When my ultrasound came up, I wanted to pay for it flat-out. Our flex spending account would be refilled but not in time for the appointment. I also found out that what would have been $238 dollars was discounted to $152 if paid the day of service. I had to come up with the money.

I had the cash that I've been saving up for my trip in the fall. Hubby was like, "Just use that and pay yourself back later." It's great in theory, but never works in real life. I owe myself around $300 as it is and I'm getting no closer to settling my leger. This has got to stop! Thankfully, dance is nearly over (but they're going to wriggle another $200 out of me before the year is out) and I've already started paying off Cheer for next year. In the midst of all that, I decided to buy hubby an anniversary present. It's a big anniversary, otherwise I would have just let it pass on by.

Things remembered had a crystal flask (15th anniversary is crystal, by the way) and I had it engraved with his name, the anniversary we're celebrating and our wedding date.  My hope is that he'll take it out of the box and actually use it. My goal is to purchase  a bottle of Crown for him to add to the bottle, thus forcing him to use it. The price was great before the engraving. I ended up spending a lot more than I wanted to, but I'm really happy with the choice. This straps me a bit for paying dance fees and pictures next week. Will I borrow again from Peter? I'm really hoping I don't have to.

My next pay day is April 11th. If everything goes the way I want it to, I can pay off everything and still have enough to tide me over until the next check. It's amazing that I'm doing as well as I am with the pay-cut I took. I often wonder about what I would be doing with my former paycheck (still depositing most of it into savings, I gather). Hubby keeps saying we have things we could sell and I know I need to change my thought process around that. I will spend some time looking around for things to off-load so that Peter and Paul get paid off quickly.
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