Dissecting Friendships

Enchantress

Dissecting Friendships

This is an issue I've been trying to resolve, as of late; how do you enhance friendships,  reconcile friendships that have become complacent or deal with friendships you may no longer need?

My high school years were spent in the company of four, close friends. Oh, I had lots of acquaintances but these four were my "ride-or-dies". We graduated and pretty much went our separate ways (two of the four actually got married!) but we did our best to keep in touch. During my college years, I met and became friends with who is now what I consider my best friend.

I've been traveling back home every other year since 1998 and the married couple, of those close friends from high school, is on my radar to visit whenever I return. Of course, the main reason for my visit is to see my college bestie and family members. It has been nice, however, to include my high school buddies in those visits and keep those friendships alive.

The lady of the two has actually gotten closer to me over the years. She's very good about phone calls and texts. Honestly, she seems to know exactly when I'm in distress and makes a point to reach out when she "feels" I need her. Consequently, she says I do the very same thing with her. Our connection is really incredible and is on a completely different level than what I have with my college bestie. In a lot of ways, I have much more of an affinity for her now than I did when we were in high school. We've basically been friends for almost thirty years so, she knows the me that was a teenager, the me that was a college student and the me that is a full-fledged adult. She knows me.

The past few months, I've sensed a drop-off with my college bestie. She's dealing with a lot of personal issues and is struggling with her marriage. I email, text and call her regularly to make sure I'm making myself available to her if she needs me. I've sent "thinking of you" cards and gifts to try and keep her spirits up. When I had my own trials come up this year, like magic, my high school friend called and talked me off the shelf.  She's been checking in to make sure that I'm okay and I've been reciprocating the communication. It's been nice having a mutual friendship.

The college friendship is now feeling very one-sided and it makes me sad. I'm hanging in there. Relationships go through ebbs and flows but sometimes they die. We've invested a lot of blood, sweat and tears so, I'm not ready for this to pass of into the night. With as vulnerable as she is right now, it isn't a discussion I can have with her and I certainly don't want to abandon her in her time of need. So, I just wait.

It's made me think about other relationships in my life; friendships that have come and gone. Friendships I tried to make work but were never successful. People who have come into my life and been so important for three or four years that are now just blips in my past. There was an article published, yesterday, talking about close relationships. In our society filled with social media and people who are now lacking in interpersonal skills, close friendships are dwindling. What was once a group of four to five close friends for most people is now down to two or three (if that!). 

I treasure my friendships and they mean a great deal to me; however, I don't want to be taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like I'm being used and I certainly don't want to waste my time. Over the next few months (we have a trip planned in the fall) I'll be looking to see what becomes of my closest friendship and where it goes. Perhaps this friendship has changed; it's no longer what it once was and is now trying to find its footing. The dynamics have changed and we've changed. I'm committed to being patient but will not allow myself to be mistreated while I wait.