The last few months have been very rough for me holistically. I quit my job in July 2012 and hurriedly began trying to work on me. I spent several weeks building up my video work out collection and attacked the workouts with great fervor. For all my efforts, however, I loss very little weight. The body just wasn't responding the way it should have. My doctor said that I was probably gaining muscle which I believe him in this, partially. Now that I've spent some time researching, I think my issues arose for much deeper reasons:
1. Mentally, my anxiety and worry over not finding a job was increasing my cortisol levels.
2. Physically, my fibroids were hindering me from making the most of my self-improvement techniques.
Consequently, each issue was serving the other in the most negative ways possible;
I worried about my body, thus feeding my stress and (I believe), my stress was creating more fibroids. When I figured this out, I new I'd had my, "A-ha!" moment.
As I stated earlier, I've been doing some research and study into the body and mind and how to become a healthier person. One of my paths of study led me to Jon Gabriel. You may have caught him in the following documentary:
The information presented here is really worthwhile and I highly recommend it to everyone. Jon's story stood out for me and I delved further into his background. I've since read his book,
The Gabriel Method and am working my way through his audio programs. The topics that resonated the most with me were the topics on emotional eating as well as the visualization and mind techniques.
With my last big diet, I became a tiny person and I loved the way I looked...for the most part. Some of my muscle tone had disappeared and my figure had lost a lot of curves (I love my curves). Like any diet, the hard part is maintaining and I actually did a pretty good job for a while, but when you don't spent enough time dealing with all the issues, the physical ones can come back with a vengance.
I eat when I'm happy and or when I'm stressed. My job brought on crazy stress towards the end, which drove me right back to the refrigerator. Not only did I put the weight back on, but now, I couldn't get it off.
My goal for the next few weeks is to work through the emotional issues that drive me to eat. Thankfully, my stress levels aren't as bad as they once were. I'm a bit worried about my body and the upcoming surgery, but it's not the high level, nail-biting, hair-pulling stress I experienced before. I am learning a lot and am reflecting on what was done in the past. Again, I liked my size and hope to achieve it again by a different means:
healthy eating and activity. It's really the only way.
Diets are done! I'm not doing them anymore because they don't work. They are a vicious cycle and I'm tired of playing the game. My body has been trying to tell me for years that it's not happy with what I'm putting into it. True enough, I know how to eat and I live with some one who eats well most every day of his life. The mental - I rebel against what I feel others are trying to force upon me. Granted, he never has said that I have to eat like him, but my warped perception is what drives me to the chips, cookies, and cake. I need to learn that it's okay to have these things sometimes -- in moderation. I also need to integrate all the wonderful vegetables around back into my eating, not only for myself, but for my children as well. My youngest is a bit on the plump side and I can make positive changes for the both of us.
With the nerves of the surgery there is also a bit of excitement. I'm excited to see what my body will do when the foreign clusters are gone. One of the ideas promoted in the film as well as in Mr. Gabriel's book is that our bodies use fat to protect us. I think that's inspired. I also think it can be a physical manifestation of the stress we endure both internally and externally. If that theory is true, I should see amazing effects when my body is clear. It's up to me to keep a sound mind so that a new, variety of manifestations do not appear. That is why I've also taken to beginning the process of cleansing (planning to do a thorough one just a few days before the surgery) by taking probiotics.When I have the money, I'll begin supplementing with wheat grass and spirulina. Green juice, anyone?
Providing nutrients and helpful/friendly bacteria is just the start. I have to make my body believe and know that it's
time to let go of the extra padding. It's no longer needed and it's okay to be healthy. Minus my head, here is a picture of what I visualize for the near future:
The top is a small and the shorts are a six. I felt good at a six/eight and am eager to see that size again...on my terms. There will be none of this denial and starving crap again. I will succeed with a healthy approach and make it a lifestyle change. The yo-yo is going onto a pillar of fire, along with my size 14, grey sweat pants (ha ha ha!). This time, I'll be able to eat well, with occasional treats, and exercise so that I have definition (something I'm lacking a bit in the above picture). I remember the day when I started to see my triceps, a few years back. I was on another diet (ugh! diets!) and had included a weight training regime. The muscle definition is beautiful and I'm after that look all over.
This will be my creation with the help of some wonderful research and added insight from professionals. My body is like no one else's. I will use trial and error to find out what will bring me the best health possible. I will practice patience with this, as Rome was not built in one day. I will visualize what I want daily and strive to achieve all my goals with positivity. Here is a passage from one of my favorite books in the Bible:
1 Corinthians 3:16-17
Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells
in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's
temple is holy, and you are that temple.
