Dissecting Friendships

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Dissecting Friendships

This is an issue I've been trying to resolve, as of late; how do you enhance friendships,  reconcile friendships that have become complacent or deal with friendships you may no longer need?

My high school years were spent in the company of four, close friends. Oh, I had lots of acquaintances but these four were my "ride-or-dies". We graduated and pretty much went our separate ways (two of the four actually got married!) but we did our best to keep in touch. During my college years, I met and became friends with who is now what I consider my best friend.

I've been traveling back home every other year since 1998 and the married couple, of those close friends from high school, is on my radar to visit whenever I return. Of course, the main reason for my visit is to see my college bestie and family members. It has been nice, however, to include my high school buddies in those visits and keep those friendships alive.

The lady of the two has actually gotten closer to me over the years. She's very good about phone calls and texts. Honestly, she seems to know exactly when I'm in distress and makes a point to reach out when she "feels" I need her. Consequently, she says I do the very same thing with her. Our connection is really incredible and is on a completely different level than what I have with my college bestie. In a lot of ways, I have much more of an affinity for her now than I did when we were in high school. We've basically been friends for almost thirty years so, she knows the me that was a teenager, the me that was a college student and the me that is a full-fledged adult. She knows me.

The past few months, I've sensed a drop-off with my college bestie. She's dealing with a lot of personal issues and is struggling with her marriage. I email, text and call her regularly to make sure I'm making myself available to her if she needs me. I've sent "thinking of you" cards and gifts to try and keep her spirits up. When I had my own trials come up this year, like magic, my high school friend called and talked me off the shelf.  She's been checking in to make sure that I'm okay and I've been reciprocating the communication. It's been nice having a mutual friendship.

The college friendship is now feeling very one-sided and it makes me sad. I'm hanging in there. Relationships go through ebbs and flows but sometimes they die. We've invested a lot of blood, sweat and tears so, I'm not ready for this to pass of into the night. With as vulnerable as she is right now, it isn't a discussion I can have with her and I certainly don't want to abandon her in her time of need. So, I just wait.

It's made me think about other relationships in my life; friendships that have come and gone. Friendships I tried to make work but were never successful. People who have come into my life and been so important for three or four years that are now just blips in my past. There was an article published, yesterday, talking about close relationships. In our society filled with social media and people who are now lacking in interpersonal skills, close friendships are dwindling. What was once a group of four to five close friends for most people is now down to two or three (if that!). 

I treasure my friendships and they mean a great deal to me; however, I don't want to be taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like I'm being used and I certainly don't want to waste my time. Over the next few months (we have a trip planned in the fall) I'll be looking to see what becomes of my closest friendship and where it goes. Perhaps this friendship has changed; it's no longer what it once was and is now trying to find its footing. The dynamics have changed and we've changed. I'm committed to being patient but will not allow myself to be mistreated while I wait.

Time to Re-calibrate Part 2

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Time to Re-calibrate Part 2

(continued from yesterday)

The first full day of vacation, we got to Uber over to the towing company to pick up our car. This was my family's first Uber ride! (I've done Uber before, but with friends).  The impound was around $300 and was promptly refunded by the management company for our Airbnb.  I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before so I was famished! I found the closest Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles and headed over.

It had been years since I'd had anything of theirs and I was too excited. Our food came fast and we shared items from each of our plates. Although it was good, it wasn't great and my family insisted my chicken was/is better (juicy and more flavorful). Wow! I suppose I'm in the wrong line of work.

After breakfast, we found some stores and did a bit of shopping for snacks to keep at the condo. We found a Grocery Outlet (one of my hubby's favorites) and loaded up on goodies. We were also pleased to find lovely wine choices at their location.

That evening, we headed over to the Outlets at Orange and explored the stores and restaurants. We decided that, at some point, we'd hit up Dave and Buster's with our girls. (We actually spent a couple of nights there playing games for hours).

Other activities: the Crystal Cathedral, the Guo Pei:Couture Beyond exhibit at the Bower's Museum, Newport Beach, swimming at the condo, Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que (this place is amazing!!), shopping, The Orange County and Santa Ana Zoos as well as general relaxation around the condo.

When we returned, we had a full weekend to get back into the swing of things; however, I was still struggling with some residual depression over not having my hubby around. All I could think of was the month full of over time he would be working. June was tough. In fact, the entire year has been a struggle for me. I haven't really pin pointed why but, I'm definitely having more challenge-days than good ones.

Meanwhile, I've kept up with my workouts and even worked out on vacation. The problem is that my eating habits from vacation haven't gone away. I had a week or two of "okay" menus, then back to my carbohydrate-happiness vacation free-for-all. It's got to stop because my clothes are getting uncomfortable and I know it does nothing for my mental well-being. Consistency and moderation are definitely what keep me at my best.

Just today, I read an article about the medication I take. One doctor commented on how ineffective it is, based on your milligrams of carbohydrate consumption. Of course, this is a no-brainer but, seeing the numbers in black and white was mind blowing. I've done quite well today, as a result and hope that this "clarity of mind" continues. My next biannual appointment is in a few weeks. I know I won't be lower than I was last year, but I'd at least like to be in good standing.

Re-calibration is much easier than it's ever been in my life. Is it the knowledge that my livelihood is as stake? Maybe it's the fact that I've become more practical and don't want to purchase a bigger wardrobe. Maybe it's the knowledge and understanding I now have of my own body and state-of-mind. Whatever it is, I'm glad I don't struggle with it as much as in years past. Onward!

Time to Re-calibrate Part 1

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Time to Re-calibrate Part 1

It's been over a year since my last post (that certainly wasn't my plan). So much has happened! My daughter graduated from high school, participated in her first community theater production, dove into her first year of college "undeclared" and ended her freshman year "declaring" her wish to become a teacher. She will begin her sophomore year in the education program and I couldn't be prouder.

My youngest made it through her first year as a junior high kid practically unscathed (7th grade year is noted for being the toughest year of school). She, also participated in her first community theater production, Aida, and is currently rehearsing for her second (Newsies).  She grew four inches and now towers over everyone in the family. It's quite a sight!

My hubby has been working insane hours, which nearly put me into therapy. His normal schedule goes as follows: two days on, then two days off:

2:30am - Wake up, get ready and leave for Salt Lake
3:00am - Arrive at the "business" building to workout, shower and get into uniform
6:00am - Clock in and arrive for debriefing
6:00pm - Clock out and head home/to the gym
8:00pm - (work in the yard until this time, if already home) Home and prep for the next day

 Most recently, he's been working one if not both of his days off as well as adding four hour shifts to his regular schedule. So, instead of getting off at 6:00pm, he gets off at 10:00pm. When I say it nearly sent me into therapy, I mean it. How can a relationship be nurtured if there's no one around to nurture it?

We finally had a talk and he's agreed to ease up on the hours. I completely understand why he's so driven; in less than two years, he will be retired and I suspect he's bulking up the savings just in case falling into another profession doesn't happen as quickly as we need  him too.

In early June, we made plans for a summer vacation and decided to use an Airbnb for the very first time. The pictures were enticing, the reviews were encouraging and the price was just right. We headed out the first Sunday of June at around 4:30am (better to hit the road early and avoid driving through the Nevada and California desserts at the hottest times of the day). The thing about California is the nature of their traffic; Sundays make no difference. We hit San Bernardino at around 4:00pm along with their afternoon rush hour and a collision. Great. We arrived in Orange and our lovely condo at around 5:30pm.

Now, we did our homework. The management office that owns the floor of units where we would be staying, emailed us information on how to get into the building, our room and thereby gain access to the building fobs. Not only was it verbally described, but we were sent a YouTube video of how to do everything. Cool!

We were able to get into the garage and quickly found a space to park. The instructions said that, temporarily parking in a space until we got into the building was fine. Then, we could move our car after getting the fobs. The first step was entering a code at the main door but, wait! The main door was all covered in "Do Not Enter" tape and "Door Out Of Order" signs. What?!

We walked around to the front of the building and found that the main doors were closed. Of course! It was a Sunday after 5:00pm. A side door had a code box, but it too was out of order.  I went to my email and found a number to call. The first person I spoke to was very apologetic and let me know that there was no communication or any notes about the door being inoperable. She would contact emergency maintenance and have them come let us in.

Meanwhile, a man and woman appear and ask if we'd had any success getting into the building. They were also booking with Airbnb and hadn't been able to get in either. The man got on the phone while we chatted with the woman.  Time crept by (40 minutes) and after waiting to see if any of the cars that arrived were maintenance (no luck), we called the company again.

This time, a gentleman answered with a very thick, Indian accent. Uh, oh. Could it be the system kicked over to India after hours? NO!!!! Alfred was kind, but I knew he wouldn't be able to do much to help us...especially after explaining that he had no way to contact the managers, other than an online system and that they wouldn't be available again until 9:00am PST. He indicated that he would get security to us as quickly as possible. (So, what happened to maintenance?)

Time went on, and the lady decided to take matters into her own hands. She crept in behind one of the residents and found her unit. As an aside, we didn't do this because there were cameras everywhere and all we would need is to have the police haul me and my family away for breaking and entering. I just didn't want to take the risk. So, the lady puts her code into the keypad on the door and it doesn't work. They ended up calling Alfred who, fortunately enough, was able to reprogram their door remotely and give them access. He asked them to help "the other family that's there" by taking them up the elevator to their unit to get in and get their fobs. We were way ahead of Alfred, since they were already taking us up by the time he asked them to help us.

We got to our room and our code worked! Hallelujah! We grabbed our fobs, left the girls and attempted to head back to the parking garage. The building was a crazy labyrinth! We ended up on the opposite side of the garage where there were very few cars and no way to get to the other side of the garage. It was around that time that I discovered that I didn't have the car key. Ugh!

So, back to the room we went. Our girls were confused because we'd been gone so long, but still didn't have the bags. Well, no one could blame me for being scattered. I grabbed the key and off we went; this time, taking an alternate route which took us back to our garage. We found the elevator and away we went until...

 Where's the car?! OMG! Where's the car?!! Yep. Car towed. We'd been dicking around with trying to get into the building for so long (three hours) that the car had been towed. Awesome!

I contacted the management company (in tears at this point) and relayed what had happened. It was already close to 11:00pm by this time. We were hungry, tired and over it! We went to bed and waited till morning to resolve the issues.

The next morning, I called the management group. I spoke to a new lady who was well aware of who I was (I'm sure there were all sorts of notes in front of her when she got in, that morning). Like all the others, she was very apologetic and promised to have management call me as soon as they got in, which would have been 30 minutes from our phone call. I waited and didn't hear, so I called back. This time, she took matters into her own hands and rectified the situation:

1.) They would pay for the Uber to get us to the towing company
2.) They would reimburse us the cost for the tow of our rental car
3.) They would reimburse us for the first night of our stay

This was, by far, the worse start to a trip I've ever experienced; however, we were taken care of at the end and the rest of the vacation went much more smoothly. I was vocal with everyone involved about the lack of communication between the management company and the leasing office of the building (why didn't they have a guest access, back-up plan for Airbnb guests? What would we have done if the nice couple, who got us up stairs, had never appeared? What happened to all these services - maintenance and security - that never showed up?). I hope they listened and will be better prepared the next time there are issues with the building.

We had cooler temps than we were anticipating, but still had a great time - games, beaching, swimming, museums, zoos, and tons of eating. More on that tomorrow.

Down to One Parent, Another Check-up and Vegas

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Down to One Parent, Another Check-up and Vegas

My trip home was wonderful but there are things about Nashville that are beginning to make me sad, primarily, the traffic. Geeze! Where did everybody come from? My bestie told me that an article came out, in either the Washington Post or the New Yorker, alerting the country that Nashville is the new "It" city. Since then, 100 new families move there every day...every-day! The infrastructure wasn't prepared for the growth, and so the traffic is absolutely ridiculous. We were going to go back to our alum school for a day trip and opted to wait until 10:00am, in order to get some release from the rush hour traffic. It still took 35 minutes to get out of town. Sundays aren't much better and it appears to be getting worse with each passing year.

One of the other disheartening aspects is how expensive everything has gotten there, which is probably a direct correlation with the growth. Just booking our room was at least 35% more than it was two years ago (and nothing was going on - no conferences, concerts, sporting events, nothing). It may be that we'll have to "meet in the middle" as time goes on. What used to be a very inexpensive, easy-going trip has become the complete opposite. My sorority sisters are even talking about meeting up for our 25th anniversary "elsewhere" so that budgets aren't busted traveling home.

Despite all of the expense and headaches, I enjoyed my trip home which is always made even more enjoyable because of my friend. I tried Hattie B's for the first time and loved it! We were going to go to Prince's (the home of the original, Nashville Hot Chicken) but we could never coordinate their sometimes odd hours. Oh, well. Maybe next time? (If I can afford to go back).

My trip was in mid-October but the surrounding areas still looked like summer. It was green everywhere! Where was the wonderful fall foliage I was so looking forward to? The last day there, I spent some time with my dad and step-mother. He did not look well. Dialysis is hard on the body and literally takes your life away, bit by bit. He could barely stay awake to talk to us so, I spent most of the visit talking to my step-mother. When we left, it felt very final but I didn't want to acknowledge this in my mind. A couple of weeks later, my step-mother called to tell me my dad had been put on life support. This was when I knew that the last time I saw him was truly the last. He died November 27, 2017 in hospice.

So, back to Nashville I went. Remember that whole "expensive" thing? Yeah, that. Only two months later and, what typically takes me two years to save up for, I had to come up with the money again for myself and my husband on the fly. We had to dip into our savings (thank God we have some!) and buy tickets to go home for the funeral. My hubby has a client who lives here and in Nashville. He graciously offered up his work condo for us to use, while we were there. I am so grateful to him for that! The flights I found were amazingly priced and the car rental company gave us an upgrade. Angels of all kinds were with us.

The service was lovely and being with the family is always good. My uncle (my dad's older brother) is a lot like me in that we didn't need to be with or hover over the body. My dad is gone and that shell he left behind is not him. I understand that people grieve differently but everyone seemed to think that I needed to just be in the space with the coffin. Nope! I'm not the one. We arrived at the funeral a little later and that was okay with me. Afterward, we all had dinner together at a restaurant; joking and laughing. This is what my dad would have appreciated.

An odd but nice series of moments during my time with the family; all of the compliments. My sister had been in Nashville about three weeks ahead of me.  Her immediate flight out was due to some drama she felt compelled to rectify (long story). Basically, the last words she said to my father were not nice at all. She was with him while he was in the hospital and while in hospice so, she spent that time getting to know the step-sisters and step-mother better. I should point out that we are very different. I noticed that, when I arrived, there was this palpable appreciation for my presence. It was incredibly strong. I received compliment after compliment on how I looked and my well-being. I gathered that all the hard work I've been putting into me is visible to others. Sometimes it takes having people who've never seen you or haven't seen you in a while, to point out the really great things you posses. Again, so grateful for this!

We (hubby and I), also spent this time together in Tennessee reconnecting. It was, after all, where we met, where we fell in love, where we married and where we made our first home together. We drove up to our campus and visited some old haunts, one of which being the park where he gave me my promise ring.  Later that day, we went to the state park where we were married.  Just as on our wedding day, there was a briskness on the lake and we held each other tightly. My father married us on that lake. I came home a bit sad, but at peace.

Fast forward two months - I had my 6-month appointment on February 1st and my doctor was overjoyed.  His comment: "I should have you talk to some of my patients about what you're doing." Yay! He said my numbers were excellent! He tried to talk me out of taking my high-blood pressure meds completely, but then we settled on half the dose. I was down over 40 pounds since being diagnosed the previous May and my A1C1 is at 5.5 (it was at 7.1 at my very first visit). Woohoo! I'll have another visit in August and I'm praying that I'll be at my goal weight. Once there, I will do whatever is necessary to maintain it. Weight loss is a bit slower now (not unusual) but, it's still coming off.

Because we had to use a lot of additional funds for the funeral, hubby and I could not do the 20th anniversary trip he was planning. Instead, he booked a few days in Vegas for the entire family the first week in April (spring break). It was a wonderful time and we enjoyed it even more so because of the weather. Not sure about the rest of the country, but winter decided to come back in late March. There have been regular storms bringing in lots of rain and sometimes snow with chilly temps. Nevada was in the wonderful high 80's; just what we needed. The stress seemed to evaporate from all of us. My eldest has been particularly stressed out, what with a new show coming up, prom, graduation and (most importantly) the decision to make on which college to attend. I'm praying, constantly, for financial miracles. I don't want her to graduate with a degree and a suitcase full of debt. Hubby and I quietly celebrated 20 years of marriage together. So very grateful to have him in my life!

My bestie is coming out at the end of May. It is her turn this year, but she has to come early because of graduation. Not mad about that at all! My cousin is coming, too (we happened to finagle that when I visited Nashville in October). Then, off to Vegas again. This time, it's the TOB (Three Old Broads -ha!) going. My bestie's last time in Vegas was in 1990 and my cousin has never been. It's always fun to go someplace you've been and see it through someone else's eyes. It's like seeing it for the first time all over again!

My next post won't take as long (at least, that's my plan). I have to schedule a visit with my OBGYN soon and I'm eager to see what he has to say. After all, my entire diagnosis happened because of my visit with him.

BTW, I borrowed a pair of my daughter's jeans a few weeks ago. Perfect fit!

Changing Meds, Donating Blood and Preparing to Travel

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Changing Meds, Donating Blood and Preparing to Travel

It's been one month and some change since my last post. In that time, I've dropped down into another weight bracket (another 10 pounds gone). I picked up a psuedo-cold, then upped the immunity supplements and vitamin C to try and knock it out. I was down to a cough, which I couldn't tell if it was residual from the cold or the stupid side effect from my newest prescription.  Aside - the high-blood pressure meds came with a dry-cough as a side effect.  A little cough I could have dealt with but mind-numbing hacking every night was a completely different story. So, off to the doctor I went. 

I let him know what my situation was with the cold and also the meds. He prescribed something new. I hadn't had my medicine when I went to see him and he was astounded at the numbers of my blood pressure. He said, "Your numbers are great and you haven't even had it today!" He also applauded me for the change in my weight and my numbers overall. He let me know that I could halve the new meds, should I find that my blood pressure drops too low. Too low? Wow. I thought I'd never hear the day.

Scheduled two days later was a blood donation. I'd been meaning to do it ever since the first hurricane. I still had the cough, but I felt good and my levels appeared great for donating. It's been almost twenty years since I've donated blood. It really was time.

Once completed, I drank my little juice and ate my nuts. I got a call from the music store telling me an item was ready to be picked up so, off I went to the store (which was just down the street from the Red Cross building). Out of the car and into the store--too quick! The room was spinning and I knew if I didn't sit down, down I would go and not of my own volition. Yikes! The clerks were very nice and offered me food and water to help. I just sat there for a few minutes while we chatted. How embarrassing! The nurses at Red Cross also said no heavy activity for five hours. That turned into two days for me. Why was I so weak? I guess the change in size and weight can effect your rate of fluid and platelet return on a blood donation. I'll be better prepared next time.

My biennial trip is coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited to see my bestie! As I run through all the things I want to do while I'm there, I'm left feeling (as always) that there just won't be enough time to get it all in. Part of the trip will be driving up to our Alma Mater to visit some of our old haunts. I think I'm more excited about that than anything else. It's where we met and where are friendship was born. We have the option to attend some parties but, we did that last time. Honestly, my ass is too old to try and hang out until one or two in the morning these days. No thank you.

Lastly, I let my girls know about the dramatic change in my weight (over 30 pounds lost) and told them that I set little goals in my mind to keep plugging along. The next goal is to go to one of them and say, "Hey, can I borrow your jeans?" The crazy thing is that I'm nearly there. Maybe, by my next post, I will be.

Three Months Later and...

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Three Months Later and...

I met with my new doctor on Monday, May 22nd. Hubby and I had been arguing about some things but, before the drama, he had said he wanted to go to my appointment. We did end up there together and I was grateful (albeit sad at arriving in separate cars and at the circumstances all around). My doctor explained what was going on and what would be the best route for treatment. Hubby saw the benefits of the medication and his mind was put at ease. I think he's always worried about side effects and the like. Thankfully, one of Meformin's side effects is weight loss.

things are looking good! I had my follow-up appointment on Tuesday, August 22nd; however, let me turn back time a bit.



We left the appointment more informed and wiser, then drove to the park to talk. The talk went well and from there on, things were looking up. I picked up my prescription and began taking the meds the very next day. I had a thought later on, "What about wine?" We had a Vegas trip planned and I wasn't sure I'd be okay to indulge while away. The nurse confirmed my fears. No alcohol, at least until the initial three month review. Damn.

I had an initial drop in weight that I gathered was the result of the meds. Then, things began to stall. I knew that I couldn't just rely on the medication to make the changes. I decided that I had to really kick things into gear.

Three weeks after my appointment, the entire family went to the Diabetes 101 class offered by the local hospital. It was really well done and we learned a lot. It encouraged us to make changes as a whole, rather than it just being me all on my own. My youngest daughter has had a dramatic weight increase and I worried that she wasn't making the best choices. The class helped her with that as well.

There were three more classes held during the summer (we missed the last one, due to attending War on the Catwalk for my eldest daughter's birthday) and tons of workouts and extra workouts. I also slashed my calories and changed up my portion sizes. I've pretty much been a low-carber for years, but I've been much more "in control" than in times past.

On vacation (mid-June) we opted for clear alcohol as our one and only libation on the trip (yes. I cheated). It was good but I was so loopy. After eating clean and working out for months, my body reacted strongly to the vodka. I decided I wouldn't have any more for a while.

My goal was to be at least 20 pounds under by my follow-up appointment. When I got on the scale, I was at a 17 pound loss. Yes, I know it isn't the first weigh-in-the-morning number and I was wearing clothes but, I was still bummed. Then, the nurse took my blood pressure and it was high. Crap! Hubby was with me and wasn't as engaged as the first time so, I continued to get more and more bummed. The icing on the cake? The doctor prescribed Lisinopril and a glucose meter. Awesome.

So, we leave the appointment and I go to fill my prescription. I hadn't eaten lunch, so I grabbed some and took it home. Lunch was at around 3:00pm so, when dinner time arrived, I didn't want any. I've begun stopping all food by 7:00pm so, that meant no dinner. Hubby was paying attention to my mood and brought me a cocktail (clear - vodka and sprite). It was just what I needed to drift off into a lovely sleep and end, in my mind, what was a miserable day.

The next morning, my weight had plummeted past the twenty pound loss mark. WTH?! At least it was nice to see on the scale. I used that good news to motivate my day and pull me out of my slump. Why not? I was in a totally different weight bracket and that's always good news.  Anyway, it happened to be the first day of school, so I reveled in being home alone with no one to bother me. I had contractors come to give me quotes on internal doors I need fixing but, other than that, it was a glorious, private day.

By the afternoon, I received a call from my doctor's office. They let me know that my A1C had plummeted, too; more than two points from where it was when I came in, in May! Basically, my numbers are in the norms and life is good. Before the nurse left, I inquired about wine (I miss that more than the liquor).

"Yes! You can drink wine, just watch the carbs."


Can do! I'll have another appointment in 6 months (February) and, considering what's been happening, I'm very optimistic. It hasn't been easy. I've given up a lot and I have to pay very close attention to every thing I do. I think some people can manage things without documenting but, I tend to backslide if I don't. I use www.thedailyplate.com to track my food but, interestingly enough, I don't track my fitness. I found that when I do, I justify the drop in calorie intake by taking in more calories (one of my issues).

There are loads of other sites out there but I've used this one for years so, I'm comfortable with it. The workouts are still going strong. I try to get in extra activity whenever I can. The most eye-opening thing about all of this is that, instead of me making changes just for a trip or a dress or some event, now I'm doing this for my life. I want to be here for my kids and (Lord willing) my grand kids. I want to have a healthy, quality of life. I'm grateful that I've made these changes now while I'm still fairly young. It's also grand that I have a personal trainer living in my house to help with the changes, too. I couldn't have done any of this without his support.

Diagnosed

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Diagnosed

I had a physical on Tuesday (May 16th). It's been a while. The good news is that my insurance changed and I got my favorite OBgyn back. While there, he basically gave me the business about my weight (it's high) and about my blood pressure (also high). He opted to do blood work right then. I had not fasted and worried that this would effect the outcome. The nurse indicated that, the way in which the blood is tested now, it wouldn't matter. He also scheduled me for a mammogram for the upcoming Thursday afternoon (5/25).

Fast forward to yesterday (Thursday). Mammogram complete, I picked up my favorite Thai dish and headed over to the school to wait for my youngest to get out. The phone rings. It's the doctor's office calling about my blood work. Thyroid? Great. Liver functions? Great. No anemia and all looks well accept for...my blood sugar.

Hello, diabetes. I really thought I wouldn't make your acquaintance until much later.

I asked the nurse if I was "pre" and she said,

"Nope. You've graduated."

"I don't want to graduate from this! I want to fail!" Although we were laughing at my joke, I died a little. I certainly didn't want this news. No one ever does.

The nurse, Kristin, was kind and shared a lot of information with me. She wanted to make sure I was moving forward with getting under my doctor's care. When I called my family practitioner directly after speaking with her, the receptionist told me that he would be out of town for a while. So, she scheduled me with his PA. This didn't sit well. I want the opinion of a real doctor (no offense to the awesome PAs out there).

Today, I called and left a message for Kristin to call me back. First, because my husband wanted to know about the validity of the test and how it could determine the numbers if I hadn't fasted. She indicated that, in the past, blood sugar tests where what were used exclusively, but you could cheat those (fast for hours, test with low blood sugar and your test comes back golden). Once you go out and eat after those, your pancreas struggles and the blood sugar goes wonky.  What they do now (and have for the last decade or so) is what's called an AC1, Hemoglobin test which basically reads sugar levels for the past three months. She noted that my levels weren't outrageous, but I'm definitely part of the club.

I let her know that, since my doctor was out, I'd really love for her to refer me to a new doctor in my area. It's just as well. I don't really live close to the city where my current doctor practices. I might as well find one closer to home. She was happy to refer her own doctor to me (turns out we live in the same area). I have an appointment scheduled with him for Monday morning. I'm a bit nervous, but eager to get things underway.

Finally, I talked to my husband after making the appointment. I explained to him with Kristin explained to me about the blood test. He went the rounds of,

"Is it really for sure?" and "Could the tests be wrong?"

I know for me, that it isn't wrong. There are things that have been going on for a while that now make sense; things I haven't mentioned to him. While talking, he wanted to make sure that the doctor didn't push drugs right away because he feels things can probably get under control without them. I feel that way too, but his approach seemed to suggest that I would just jump on the Metformin bandwagon. It's what my mother took when she was "pre". Once she lost a lot of weight, she no longer showed symptoms and doesn't need the medication.

I didn't want to start an argument, but I could tell that's where things were headed. I am not a proponent of "Big Pharma". I know what the end game is for them. What I want is a way to control this, without feeling like I don't have any options. I'm going in with an open mind but also with a drive to get things under control. I kind of wish he could go with me. I know he has questions and concerns. I know that he cares. It's all very up in the air and a little scary. I've got to work at not letting my emotions get the better of me during this transitional period.