I Need to Be Still
Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."I've been following this without even realizing that this is what I've been doing; trying to be still. Our world is in a state of chaos. So much is happening that I can barely take it all in. I've been frustrated, angry, depressed, sometimes hopeful, confused and saddened; a rollercoaster of emotions within just a few moments time...for days. My children and I have been discussing everything that they've been seeing on the news, so much so that I've stopped looking at the media coverage all together. There's no need! My kids keep bringing it up!
Just this morning, my eldest daughter informed me that a former high school classmate has been on the rampage on his social media feed. She stated that the comments he's been making to others are borderline abusive and it appeared to peak, earlier this week;
"I get why he's saying what he's saying...you know, to educate but he's so forceful and mean about it. The poor girl he's talking to is so upset and he's doing it in a public forum."
For context, the guy jumped all over this girl (another friend of my daughter's) for bringing up a speech from "the prophet" (Mormon) and indicating that "all lives matter". This, in turn, set him off and released a flood that she may never recover from. She was attempting to come from a good place, but certainly didn't understand the negativity that this statement reflects. Had she been educated from a place of caring and understanding, she may have simply apologized for making the statement/post or reworded her thoughts. Then, moved on in a more productive way.
Lizz Schumer had an article in print, not long ago, that captures the sentiment so well:
At its face, "All Lives Matter" sounds like a we're-all-in-this-together statement. Some may be using the phrase to suggest that all races should join hands and stand together against racism, which is a sentiment that comes from a good place. But the problem is, the phrase actually takes the focus away from those who need it. Saying "All Lives Matter" redirects the attention from Black lives, who are the ones in peril.
Because my daughter is friends with both of them, she felt caught in the middle. Should she say something to the angry friend? Should she DM the girl and let her know where he was coming from, but in a gentler fashion? She's currently of the mindset that she should just unfollow him for now and I can understand her feelings. She continues to view the comments, posts and open-letters with feelings of love and hope along with some apprehension and frustration. She indicated to me that her guard is up and she wonders if people are being genuinely nice to her because of the state of the world or if they're in fear of what she might say or do.
I've removed myself from social media and am no longer being bombarded by all of the "talk". I am someone who has been afflicted by this systematic oppression. I know what it is and where it comes from. It's been going on for decades and Mr. Floyd's death was a turning point. But...we've had turning points before. There were lots of them during the civil rights movement and people were just as angry then as they appear to be now. My concern is that the passion and drive will stop boiling over and turn into a simmer. Then, finally, cool altogether. I remain hopeful that changes will take place. That people, who are in incredible discomfort because of what is happening, will be more forceful in making those changes become a reality; understanding, also, that it takes time.
Inflamed passion with patience. Can the two coexist? They're going to have to if we're ever going to find some sort of balance in all the madness. Me? I'm supporting and doing my part but not in a "guns blazing" or "balls out" sort of way. I can be still and not get myself caught up in something that could be detrimental, not only to myself, but to my family. There's no need for me to paint a target on my back. I am glad to see so many businesses that I use and friends acknowledge that the problems exist and are addressing them along with their support and solidarity. Those who haven't said anything? Their silence is deafening and I hope they are able to say/do something one way or another. (If you don't stand up for something, you'll fall for anything - Alexander Hamilton).
On a personal note, my youngest had her breast reduction on Friday and is doing very well. She's elated to be able to "feel my ribs" and "see my stomach" again. She'll continue to heal and, once the swelling goes away, we'll be able to shop for the cute bras again. She was an HH, which is too much of a burden for a 14 year old to carry (or anyone, for that matter). I'm also hopeful of what it will do for her self-esteem and maybe allow her to be more active.
My eldest has taken on two, part-time jobs for the summer. She claims she will let one go, once school starts again. She will not be a resident hall assistant this fall and has decided to commute from home. Mom and dad will be on the look-out for a more, reliable car for her (hoping we'll find one that belonged to a granny that only drove to church and the grocery store - those are the best!)
My hubby is a bit bummed that he will not be retiring in October. After the quarantine, he decided to finish the year (December). Afterwhich, he'll figure out a new job. He's still working graveyards but has said he will switch back to days in October. We'll see. He's currently gone silent and moody. I'm not sure if it's because of the "talk" at work or because his birthday is coming up (tomorrow) or a combination of both. I don't see him much as it is and he's not talking when I do. I'm not worried yet, but I'm getting there.
Things are slowly opening back up. I haven't dared to go to a restaurant and, even if I did want to do a sit-down, I don't know that I'm ready to deal with acrylic separators and face shields. I'll wait to see what happens in the next few months. Some of our favorite stores are open and are trying to gather more stock. Speaking of which, the shelves at Ross Dress for Less have never been so bare. It's sad to see, but I know it isn't a permanent situation for them.
Permanence...it's a word that I don't think any of us can use with any sort of consistency, anymore. I suppose we can use it, if only to say...nothing is.
